"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
