i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
