wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
