let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
