dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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