There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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