How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
