plz talk dirty to me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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