There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize