my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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