Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Less talking, more tequila
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
