Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When did we convert life to cartoon?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
