hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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