She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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