I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
