I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
