Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
