carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
