Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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