I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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