Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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