I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
