yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
