Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
