we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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