I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize