There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize