Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
