11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
