i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize