I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have post one night stand depression
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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