I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
