We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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