i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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