I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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