Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
