He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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