drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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