he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
