And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
