i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
