My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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