a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Success! We fucked roommates!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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