i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
