My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
