You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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