i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
