Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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