Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
