I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
