Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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