I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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