There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
