you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
FUCK WHALES
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
