You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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