So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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