Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just blew my weed a kiss
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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