You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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