Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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