I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want a musical about memes.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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