So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
