I accidentally burped into my bong.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
