That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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