I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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