The best revenge is premature balding
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
