Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize