i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
