dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
