this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
