Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
