I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize