Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
