I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
