I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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