some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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