I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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