sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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