Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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