it wasn't lemon gatorade
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
